MARCON Day 3: In Space, Can Anybody Hear You Pray?

Every year, for the last 44 years, Memorial Day Weekend is a big deal as sci-fi, fantasy, and otherwise "interesting" folks converge in the Central Ohio Convention Center in Columbus, Ohio. MARCON, or Multiple Alternative Reality Convention, is a gathering for fans, readers, writers, and anybody who is interested in comics, sci-fi, and fantasy. The three-day event is one of the most enjoyable events I go to in a year, but it is also one of the strangest. Let the tale end:

It's the last day of MARCON and my head is spinning. Too many drinks in the wee hours of the morning at room parties will do that to you. For those of you who don't know, room parties are parties that are forced into private hotel rooms because they get out of hand with either too much drinking or too much sexual play, though never both at the same time. Mine was the drinking kind.

Looking over at my clock, I notice that it's already 9:30 in the morning; I have a panel at 10 so this is a big issue. Jump out of bed, jump into the shower, and run to my car. A quick drive, along with the proper tipping and payment for valet parking, and I am in the convention center. Woot, I make it on time.

I head to Madison and look around; there is almost nobody there. This seems to be what happens on Sundays: everybody who is attending the con is either hung over, still asleep, or taking down the displays. What is officially a three-day con is more or less a two-day convention for most people. This disappoints me; not only am I on two Sunday panels, but I usually think that Sunday panels are the best panels of the convention. Oh well.

So I migrate to Madison and meet up with Madame Heaphy as we are about to start our panel. Low and behold, there is only one person there, a teacher-in-training who is focusing on science and math. Well, our panel is about teaching science fiction (even though I am only 21 I have taught scifi to high schoolers and studied it at many levels). So we'll do a one-on-one, but that's perfectly fine. Instead of the lecture and slide show we have planned, we sit down and simply ask him to tell us the subjects he must cover.

Earth’s layers? Journey to the Center of the Earth. Evolution? The Sound of Thunder. Gravity? Cold Equations. Any and every subject he needs to cover has been talked about in a scifi book, so he will be able to use them in class with his kids. God, I wish I had a teacher like that back in the day.

I have a break between panels so I head over to listen to a talk on 50 ways to leave the planet. We discuss a laser propulsion system which is a potential launch device, along with solid state and liquid fueled engines. We also discuss the various lift-off and landing techniques that NASA and JPL are working on for future spacecraft. Though the talk was advertised as being about 50 ways to leave space, we discussed only about five; but they were pretty interesting.

That's one of the problems with panels at conventions. While you might set out to talk about the new Harry Potter movie, or The Hobbit movies, or even 50 ways to get off Earth, the panel rarely goes where it should have. Take the time travel panel I was on during the first day. While we did discuss the physics behind it, we mostly talked about why time travel is so common in literature. Though I don't necessarily mind when people move off of the subject, it can be annoying when I really want to learn something.

After the panel on leaving the planet I go to my second panel of the day: Life on Mars. As we sit there and start to talk, I notice that most of the attendees have no idea why we are talking about a TV show. I pause and ask: “Who here has seen the British version, who has seen the American, and who thinks that we are talking about the red planet?” About half the room leaves when they realize that we are talking about the TV show Life on Mars, not the planet itself.

After everybody settles down I get to start actually talking about the show. We discuss the differences between the two versions, the sequel (Ashes to Ashes), and how the endings were vastly different. Near the end one of the viewers pipes up about how she didn’t like the World Trade Center scene as it reminded her too much of 9/11. The rest of the time we spend discussing certain gotcha and gut-wrenching moments and why they were used to tell time and set the mood.

Afterwards I decide to wander around the convention one more time. Checking out the dealer’s room, I buy some more dice, a goblet, and a present for my girlfriend. I also head down to the art room to check out the amazing pictures, sculptures, and origami. They also have some computer cases, which are well done, and look very Tron-like (granted, they were a mod based on Tron).

As I am making my way to the exit I notice one more panel which looks interesting: In Space, Can Anybody Hear you Pray? While this a popular line to alter and convert (including as the subtitle of a porn movie), it's an interesting idea. This panel is an interfaith meeting of convention goers who don’t want to leave their God(s) behind. They sit there, listen to a sermon on peace, and basically act normal. I am struck by how different this is from the rest of the convention: here you have a stereotypical Sunday morning, vs. the craziness that went on earlier in the weekend. It was a real surprise.

Overall, I had an amazing time at MARCON this year. Though I was scared by some of the things I saw (the walking vagina and two men dressed in Sailor Moon outfits will forever haunt me), I enjoyed most of it. The masquerade was amazing, the ball was good, and the costuming was stunning. I learned a fair bit at the panels, was able to share my knowledge with the rest of the community, and even had a lot of fun at the parties. It was a great experience for me, and I hope you enjoyed reading about it.

Here's to next year and seeing you there!

My post about Day 1 talked about my first panels and a general intro to the convention. Day 2 was about the characters and costumes you will find at MARCON and similar conventions.

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MARCON Day 2: Costumes and "Characters"

Was that a man in a sailor moon costume?

Every year, for the last 44 years, Memorial Day Weekend is a big deal as sci-fi, fantasy, and otherwise "interesting" folks converge in the Central Ohio Convention Center in Columbus, Ohio. MARCON, or Multiple Alternative Reality Convention, is a gathering for fans, readers, writers, and anybody who is interested in comics, sci-fi, and fantasy. The three-day event is one of the most enjoyable I go to in a year, but it is also one of the strangest. Let the tale continue:

Today I decided that I really didn't want to deal with the whole bus issue. Even though it is free for me, COTA (Central Ohio Transit Authority) is an annoying experience and one which I rarely like to deal with; it sucks that I need to ride COTA every day for work. Instead, I choose to drive to the convention center myself. I pull in, pay to have my car parked for me, and head towards the green room. One coffee, two bagels, and some cream cheese later I'm ready to hit the floor of the convention.

I start to wander around, heading towards the Franklin room so I can check out some movies. I step into the darkness, let my eyes adjust, and notice that there is a Harry Potter marathon going on. God, it's Chamber of Secrets, what crap. Sitting in the audience, however, is an entire mob of Potteresque characters. I see a Hagrid, 15 Harrys, 12 Rons, and a random Loona Lovegood – seriously, who wants to dress up as Loony Loona?

I wander away from the movies, and decide that it is time to go sit in on a panel about the Middle Earth movies being produced by Peter Jackson. I sit next to an Obi-Wan Kenobi (I must say, his beard and hair were perfect), and just listen in. Pretty quickly I notice that there are several elves in the audience, along with a few wizards, and some goblins. Cool. Now, the problem with this many people dressed as characters is the fact that they all "know" Tolkien perfectly. That is, they think they know the stories, and then argue amongst each other for hours. Needless to say, we don't talk about the new movies, merely about how the three other movies butchered the books – trust me, I contributed quite a bit to this.

As I flee from this "debate" I start to wander the halls yet again. During this meandering, hundreds of costumes jump out at me. From the stereotypical Steam-Punk costumes, to the Klingons who exist everywhere, I see many of the typical nerdy outfits. However, along with these uniforms, I see several that were not so usual. I see a Dr. Horrible costume, a few Firefly costumes, and one or two Princess Leia bikinis. These, thankfully, are upon attractive females.

Even though I have prepared myself for the types who attend these conventions, I am unprepared for a few of the more interesting costumes that I encountered. For example, I run into two men – yes two, not one – who have decided that it's great for a 50-year-old to wear a Sailor Moon outfit; frankly, I have never seen a hairier anime character in my life. I also see a young black man who has decided to wear a vagina, yes, a vagina, as his costume. I quickly run away from these people.

Though there are some acceptable and cool costumes (mainly the Renaissance ones and the hot chicks in bikinis), most of the costumes are either insane or inappropriate. I am sure that this comes with the convention territory, but this is probably why many people do not attend these events. It is one thing to drive by a bunch of people wearing Klingon or Captain Jack Sparrow outfits, but it is another to drive by people wearing almost nothing, or that giant vagina. Although conventions need this to build the atmosphere, it also scares away the less crazy fans.

The same is true of the personalities of those who attend MARCON and other such conventions. Though the average IQ is exceptionally high (which is why Mensa recruits there), the social aspect tends to be lacking. There is a reason that the convention pamphlets include instructions about showering, eating, and basic personal care. The attendees are not just devoted fans but also, in many cases, people who have no idea of what the proper social norms are. Thus you have interrupters, rude people, and people you would normally flee from if they sat next to you on a bus.

I fled from them.

Overall, though, MARCON is exceptionally fun because of all of the characters and costumes. Sure, there are the crazies and the Sailor Moon men, but the full experience is worth it. You meet some of the most intelligent people in your life, hear some interesting ideas, and look at some stunning, and amazing, costumes. Always remember, at a convention, the odds are 50-50 that you are either talking to a rocket scientist or a crazy fan.

My post about day 1 was about my first panels and a general intro to the convention. Day 3 will be about what Sunday is like at the con, and a few more panels.

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MARCON Day 1: Welcome to the Con

Every year, for the last 44 years, Memorial Day Weekend is a big deal as sci-fi, fantasy, and otherwise 'interesting' folks converge in the Central Ohio Convention Center in Columbus, Ohio. MARCON, or Multiple Alternative Reality Convention, is a gathering for fans, readers, writers, and anybody who is interested in comics, sci-fi, and fantasy. The three-day event is one of the most enjoyable I go to in a year, but it is also one of the strangest. Let the tale begin:

I step off of the bus, the stench and the chatter no longer surrounding me. I look up, see the concrete atrocity that is the convention center, and start to wander towards a door. Locked. Next door, still locked. I wander the entire half-mile length of this randomly assembled building until I reach the hotel. Finally, an open door.

I am early, as I need to register as a panelist, yet I am nowhere near being the first to arrive. Even though panels will not start for about two hours, people are all over the center and the hotel, ready to go. It is a Friday, at three in the afternoon, for god's sake, but apparently these people do not work. No, instead they prep their costumes, meet their old friends, and get ready to party -- in a purely Klingon fashion, that is. I make my way though the crowd, hoping to find the green room, only to be taken aside by dozens of groups trying to recruit me. I must resist.

I finally make it to the green room, show my ID, sign in, and get a nice little badge. Looking at the table I see the first of the four con food groups, caffeine. I head over, fill up on Mountain Dew, and head out for my first panel. Tonight I am talking about time travel in fiction and reality. I am really out of place.

I sit down to the panel, surrounded by three high-level physicists and one acclaimed literary critic. Me, I am simply a student who has a passing interest in time travel and have published one story involving it. I swallow, introduce myself, and just hope nobody questions why the hell I am there. During the introduction I am asked that very question. Why does that always happen?

As the panel starts, we talk about the actual physics that make time travel possible; HOLY COW, I am really in over my head. Finally, after about 30 minutes of me sitting there staring at my hands, I am able to talk about something I know: the literary aspect of time travel. Finally I have a place in this panel, and finally I am actually contributing.

For the rest of the 90-minute program we discussed time travel in fiction, the reality behind it (usually nothing), and how it is useful as a literary device. I was finally in my element, and it was a lot of fun. The viewers participated, talked to us, and we answered most of the questions. The panel went well.

As that was my only panel of the day, I meandered through the convention center to check out other panels. At the Mars Society panel I learned about the future of human exploration and expeditions to the red planet. I learned of the proposed ideas, the various prototypes of space-faring vehicles, and the social studies that are being conducted to figure out what sort of crews would be best. More generally, I learned about why we needed to go to Mars and what was in it for us.

I then moved on to a more militaristic condieration of other planets. "Is Planetary Invasion Feasible?" was an interesting panel, as we examined the possibility of invading another planet, as well as the logistics and other highly important features of potential interplanetary warfare. Sadly missing, however, was an explanation of how the Jedi and the Sith fit into the picture.

Overall, the first day was an interesting experience. I learned, lectured, and saw quite a few interesting things. Sure, most of the convention-goers had yet to arrive, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. Saturday will be even more varied, and scarier. Why is it so scary, you ask? Well, they decided to make me a panelist on teaching SF; the concept of being accepted credibly and listened to as a 21-year-old was a little intimidating. The new day will bring new people, new panels, and an even better chance of seeing a hot female-unit in a Sailor Moon costume.

Day 2 will examine more panels and the the various "characters" one meets at a convention. Day 3 examines the Sunday events, my last panels, and the fact that in space, nobody can hear you pray.

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Part 1 of 4 - Humanity Series

Are you a human? Am I a human? Is my monkey a human?

A New¹ and Improved² Essay

El Barga

Homo Sapiens is a very well defined phrase. It means “thinking (or wise) human”. Homo Sapiens (humans) are the least endangered species on the third planet from what they know as the Sun. They feature an enlarged brain (held in by a enormous head) and roughly symmetrical body. Two arms, two legs, and ten digits for each pair. The entire Hominid clan, after Habilus, is known for their intensive tool usage, their high caloric intake, and their love of heated meats (except for their idiotic members who seem to think that animals deserve rights; fucking nuts if you ask me³). Humans, unlike any other species, also seem to want to kill themselves off.

If the term 'human' is so well defined, then why would science fiction authors spend countless nights typing away at little clicking machines (that is what Bradbury called them) and waste dimes at a time to type up and define the term⁴? Well, it seems obvious that science fiction writers are all secretly existentialistic and that they also want to confuse you. They use buildings, dogs, aliens, and even other humans to make you question who is really a human and who is not. Is it your neighbor (for this argument, another Homo Sapien) who hates your ideologies or the alien who agrees with you all the time. Which of those is more human, which of those is more alien?

Different authors have had different takes on what exactly it means to be a human. Clarke, in 2001: A Space Odyssey, contends that humans are given intelligence, thus the only real humans are those who are always seeking more knowledge and the truth. Asimov, with his hundreds of stories on Robots, writes in Robbie! that to be human is simply to feel for another being (be it living or be it simulating life). Heinlein, well, his humans depend on the novel (in Stranger in a Strange land, isn't the human the one who is the leader and the followers are nothing?).

With various authors taking different positions, how is somebody supposed to conclude what is human and what is not? Well, we can assume that they all are circling a common ground, and thus we just need to find that ground. Take Bradbury with his 1950 short story “There Will Come Soft Rains”⁵. In this story, Bradbury creates a story with no actual humans (in the flesh, their shadows do remain, however). How can one find a definition of humanity in such a story, you ask? Well, it seems pretty simple: Bradbury is able to make the house that is the main, and basically the only, character of the story into a human. The house is calm despite the overall calamity. Why? Because the problems don’t

effect it. It maintains its life, it maintains its job, it keeps on truckin’. Only until the moment that the house is itself in danger, does it start to react. At that point it panics, slips into insanity, and then slowly succumbs to its death throws.

With this story, Bradbury is explaining that humans are a cold and calculating species. They can maintain themselves and keep running as they want to no matter what happens, be it a nuclear war or be it simply a person run over by a car⁶. He is claiming, that unless humans themselves are at risk, they will not act at all; humans are uncaring for each other and that they will just walk right by (keep working) while all the others die. However, once they themselves are in danger, then he feels that they will go insane trying to fix it. In the end, he says, all humans will die as they will only help themselves until it is too late: “Then they came for me, and by that time, nobody was left to stand up”.

Sterling, in his 1982 short story Swarm, takes a different stance of what humanity is. He presents us with a mutually beneficial colony, with creatures full-filling all positions. This is oddly reminiscent to a corporation in this modern age; all parts of the machine like where they are, but they do not know that they are part of it. Only when they get the rare intelligence (a Patton, a Rommel, a Washington, a Barga⁷) do they use it to help advance their status and thus ensure a safer existence for their own species. He is saying that these creatures are really humans, and that while humans need to work together to survive (the main point of There Will Come Soft Rains), we are already working together in one large clump, governed by a rare power⁸. Sterling is saying that to be human means to simply be another brick in the wall that is holding up the building

So, you have one author, Bradbury, arguing that humans are cold and calculating creatures, that they are their own seeds of destruction. You have another, Sterling, who is sitting there saying that, regardless of how the individual feels towards all of this, humans are all working together in a symbiotic relationship. These two opinions on humanity actually walk hand-in-hand as they look simply at two different parts of the same puzzle. Much like God and Evolution⁹, these two theories march together. Bradbury is looking at each individual cog of the machine, saying that it only cares about itself and that it doesn’t matter to it what happens to the other Cogs. Sterling is looking at the machine which all the cogs are a part of, and is saying that the cogs need not see the larger picture, they are part of it anyways. Either way, both are saying that to be human is to require assistance of other humans and to live as one part of the species.

To make matters worse, some authors say ‘fuck it¹⁰’ to the implied humanity and instead take it at the literal definition. Terry Bisson, in his short story Bears Discover Fire, is looking at what makes one entity, without its representative society, into a human. Bisson moved more into the traditional scientific definition of what a human is: he was contending that anything which could use tools (Hominid trait sense Habilus) is a human. Bears are almost identical to us hominids save for their teeth, their fur, and their strength¹¹. They are symmetrical, they consume large amounts of calories, and they shop at The Gap¹². Bisson took a creature, one that we consider dumb and below us, and showed us that it is really just as human as we are¹³. Bisson was saying that humans are merely animals that can use tools (in this case, fire) and thus can alter to a large part their environment. Under this logic, my monkey (most monkey use tools) counts as a human too.¹⁴

So, Bisson just threw us a curve ball and we have to grab it to throw out the person stealing second.¹⁵ He is contending, as have several other greats in science fiction, specifically Clarke in 2001: A Space Odyssey, that all that makes a human is our use of technology. That is, the only reason we are above dolphins is due to the fact that we use technology. Other authors, like Adams, quickly contend that dolphins are above us, we just can not under stand what they are saying.¹⁶ Anyways, back to my point, technology makes a human is all that Bisson is proposing. Now, this might seem different from the social groups in Bradbury and Sterling but it is a similar thing. All three stories have used technology of some sort, and in all three it seems to be a requirement of being human. The house is technology, the bears use fire, the creatures use an evolutionary advancement (genetic modification). Additionally, in all of the stories, Humans are one part of a giant chain that needs each other to survive (the bears travel en mass). Basically, Science Fiction authors are saying that humans are just one part of a machine, but that part is using technology and somewhat independent. Pretty interesting machine if you ask me.¹⁷

So, we are all settled on a definition and then this piss-pot from South Carolina¹⁸ decides that he is going to write several amazingly successful stories, both of sci-fi and of fantasy, and challenge the assumption of what a human is. He explains that there are four forms of intelligent life:

“Utlanning are strangers of one's own species and one's own world

Framling are members of one's own species but from another world or culture.

Ramen are strangers from another species who are capable of communication and peaceful coexistence with Homo sapiens sapiens, though that does not guarantee they will pursue the latter

Varelse are strangers from another species who are not able to communicate with us. They are true aliens, completely incapable of common ground with humanity. “¹⁹

Here Card is telling us that humans are simply creatures that are a known species and that can communicate and POTENTIALLY live peacefully with us. He is not saying that just Homo Sapiens are humans, but that any creature that can communicate and be peaceful is a human. Wow, I guess that GW Bush is not a human then.²⁰

This throws a large wrench into the overall argument as to what a human is. We have most authors saying technology and society makes a human, but here is this other author contending that technology and society is not needed, only rational thought and a way to express it. While this can fit into Bears and into Swarm, it fails to fit with Rain. In Rain the house can not communicate what it wants, only what it is supposed to. Plus, it acts quite irrational during the whole thing. However, from common experience, we know that not all humans are rational and that not all humans can communicate.

By looking at just that last sentence we can see how to tie Bradbury into Card’s new position. The house is an outlier, the humans on the side, and the dog, communicated what they were doing/wanted, and they were rational about it. Clearly, the house is simply the person in the mental ward that is deaf and doesn’t know sign language. Provided you consider the house an outlier, and not representative of the society²¹ then this fits. Card, Bisson, Bradbury, and Sterling all feel that to be human you merely need to be rational and able to communicate. Now, who are you to argue with them?²²

And to leave you with an image to remember me by…

By the way, this would be a great cover for Swarm

1 Yet it keeps the same basic premise and has three paragraphs that are fully identical to the previous edition, and many other parts with only a little bit of changes. But if Coke Zero® is new, then by God so it this

2 With a new bit o’ dribble added to make it 7 pages

3 And you did

4 Because they are assholes. Also, they wanted me to have a paper topic for my final.

5 Which I just discovered is referenced in a scene in the Video Game Fallout 3

6 Which seems to be his specialty, see Fahrenheit 451

7 Of course the best brain ever

8 It’s the Zionists, or the New World Order… must get my tin-foil hat

9 He created all, then let it go. Also, it is ev-O-lution, not e-VIL-ution like you Brits say

10 Yeah, stick it to the man

11 Doesn’t that mean that they are not like us at all?

12 In fact, in 1995 it was rumored that there was a large polar bear shopping at The Gap inside Polaris Mall. It turned out simply to be a fat old woman.

13 PETA just had a field day

14 Yay

15 Yes, I just wanted a Baseball reference

16 Those fish were mine. THEY TOOK MY BLOODY FISH

17 See footnote 3

18 Obvious a red-neck hick

19 Speaker for the Dead, Orson Scott Card, no bloody clue what page

20 Bad taste? Well, too bad

21 Which, sadly, is not the case mostly. We have some idiots in this country. Way, way too many idiot.

22 If you were me then you would be able to argue with them (and you would be right), but you are not me; God, it must suck to be you.

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